# Chapter 126

“ . . . deep down, you don’t think you’re good enough. That’s a lie you learned, and you can unlearn it . . ..” Geissinger

Unlearning is the largest part of personal development that my clients face day in and day out. Me too. Although my learning curve remains very high out of necessity. Unlearning is different than learning of course . . . it is a choice to not engage, rather than engage. It is a decision to ignore rather than regard with care. It is usually a “no” rather than a “yes” in the sense you have to learn (unlearning) what to stop rather than what to do.

Unlearning is much more difficult than learning for most people, based on my observations. Those lessons from our childhood have deep roots and are very challenging to do away with cleanly. It is astonishing how many of my peers and friends in their late 50’s are still attempting to deal with the wreckage of those messages and interactions with the adults of their childhoods. I am not talking about abuse per se, as much as I am talking about just normal families and the debris they leave in the wake of normal typical children.

While I tend to believe and act on the understanding that my parents were just two normal humans struggling to provide for us all in difficult times, and I honestly believe most other families are similar, clearly the effect of those typical and normal families leave deep deep impressions and feelings that we base our current realities on. One of my dearest friends calls this the shame factor. While I don’t experience this very much personally, the fact that he believes it and has researched it verifies it in my world as a genuine phenomena.

When I faintly hear the lie that I am not good enough in my mind, it makes me just work more diligently. For others though, it seems to be paralyzing. Regardless of our reactions, the real truth of the matter is that “we were made for such a time as this.” You are perfect for what is required of you. Don’t believe a lie. Don’t live a life two sizes too small.