Chapter 212

Feelings are much like waves. We can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.” —Jonatan Mårtensson

I am not sure I have met someone who had control over their feelings, in the sense that they well up from our soul in some fashion and just are. I have met people who are constantly overwhelmed by their feelings, and I have met people who don’t feel much of anything. Everyone has them and there is no mean average, they are what they are, as I said.

But no one wants to abdicate control to the feeling level - too volatile and too undependable to build a future on. I am usually pretty disturbed by the results and processes that start to happen when my feelings get the upper hand. I get competitive, I have to win, and that is almost never positive when that happens at 58 years of age. When feelings get the upper hand logic disappears and thinking is crippled. I can’t be the leadership guru that everyone depends on me to be, when feelings get control. I frequently lash out, and invariably someone I care about gets hurt when that happens.

So can we choose which feelings we surf? Well I don’t know. I seem to have all the emotional/feelings control of a crocodile, so I am not sure I am surfer boy material, now or in the future. Those of you with more fine controls than I have, surf on!! I am truthfully cheering for you and in awe of you.

So I have settled more on blunt force, dampening the waves if you please, like a sea wall protecting a harbor. Reminding myself of a number of facts that help. “You don’t have to enter into every fight you are invited to.” Uncle Joe Callaway’s super helpful advice. And about 95% of the time my wifeclientcoworker is venting, not asking for advice - so keep your mouth shut. These two little mental levers helps me keep the feelings right where they should be.