# Chapter 249

Diagnosing the problem is the first step of leadership. This can certainly mean leadership in your personal life as well as leadership in other areas. And this is the one we get wrong most often. It is so easy to mistake one thing for another in diagnostics. And in our personal lives it is even more murky and difficult. Anyone who has been married for any length of time knows that the problem is not the problem. In other words, what you see manifesting, or what you are hearing about, is likely not the real issue. This is true with each of us as well. When we are short and abrupt with our spouse or our kids, it could just as likely be you had a crappy day at work and this is just the emotional spillover from what happened earlier in your day.

While I am no psychologist or anything like that, any observer of human nature has observed that the problem is not the problem. How many times have you asked your spouse, “what wrong?” seeking to discover what is bothering them, and the response is “nothing” or “I am fine” or some other nonsense as that when something is clearly and unmistakably amiss. All this to say that diagnosing is not always a straight forward process. You have to do some digging. And a deft hand is wonderful if you can be subtle and unflappable in your approach and digging.

I see this played out over and over in our lives, that we misdiagnose the problems we are trying to resolve, and this leads us into unhelpful actions and directions. This also happens in politics, government, businesses, financial markets, engineering, medicine, churches, day cares and hair salons. Make sure of your diagnosis! It is part one of the leadership process and the beginning of your solution. Don’t confuse the spiritual for the political nor the plumbing with the electrical. Be wise.