Winter

# Chapter176

Winter ennui is a real thing. Its probably just the cold, but I am so lethargic. I can hardly get out bed when the temp is in the teens or worse morning after morning. When every outside task is painful and it takes 20 extra minutes to get enough clothes on to go outside and do that painful whatever. Yes this is a rant on winter, cold, too many clothes, not enough warmth, painful aching joints and no fun being outside, and not enough sunshine.

This of course all disappears if you are on the ski slope and things are sliding along appropriately. Suddenly the temperature is perfect, the sunshine is awesome, and exhilaration of racing down the hill has got your heart racing and your joy humming. Ennui is no where to be found. In my humble opinion this is the entire reason that ski resorts were created - to relieve the pressure and experience of winter ennui. And of course they exist to make a lot of money, but that is another post for another morning. Today, this weekend, this winter has been the ennui winter.

Too many hours inside, too many books read (yes you heard that right) and too many high calorie meals, too many frozen cigar experiences, too many clouds, too much wind. Since I have a birthday coming up real soon, I have been trying to get my wife to go to Asia with me for 5-6 weeks so that we can weather the remainder of this winter in the warm climate of SE Asia, and even though she is not interested, I may go anyways. That is how bad I am feeling this.

Of course until winter breaks loose and Spring arrives, we try to sit in the sunshine when it is coming through the windows. We try to stay active and strong to combat the physical side of ennui. And we try to be filled with hope that Summer is coming.

Mental will

# Chapter 175

Mental will is a powerful force in your life, or not. Maybe I should word the sentence to say that mental will /can/ be a most powerful force in your life. It seems that for me and perhaps others, we need the mental will to get to our mental will and keep it engaged. I know I know, its a limited resource and all that current media jazz about how little of it you actually have at your disposal. But when mental will is showing her teeth, you better get out of the way! It is a force to be reckoned with! Keeping this force at your disposal, that seems to be the most elusive part.

It is like a slippery sliding silent ghost when you most want it to make an appearance sometimes. You can’t find it when you need it and that makes it very frustrating - thus you need the mental will to get your mental will engaged. This is why habits are superior to mental will on a regular daily basis, because habits show up every day and you can get it done, whatever it may be.

And perhaps that is the answer to the mental will dilemma, making it a habit to exercise our mental will. At least this the path that I am pursuing. I need my mental will more available and engaged than I generally find it to be. Maybe it has something to do with being 60 years old, or maybe it has something to do with my “want” level, but this powerful force needs help helping.

Retirement?

# Chapter 174

We had a lively discussion last night with friends about retirement. There was no consensus. Those who are physically weary and struggling were generally much more in favor of retirement as a goal, state of being, whatever, and were resentful of those at the table who were taking responsibility for their health, were energetic and who were having fun still working with no plans of stopping. Then there were those in the middle who would like to have less responsibilities and more leisure and more down time, and they seem to be calling this “retirement” in their explanations.

First of all there is no requirement to retire. In fact it is an entirely Western idea that many other cultures don’t share. There is no expectation of retirement in many parts of the world. None. I have heard my dad tell stories of his grandparents who lived with them when he was a boy, and they contributed to the success of the family and the family economics until they physically were not able any longer. Which was not a leisurely exit. Basically they worked right up until they died.

On the other hand, we all will stop at some point. This is non-negotiable. We all come to the end of our capacity and resources and we need other’s help, until our end comes. I don’t know if this is retirement or not, but we don’t generally keep working until our last breaths. So the take away is this - plan your end carefully, but keep a loose grip on it because no one can anticipate all that is going to happen when.

Training

# Chapter 173

Most people dislike or even hate training. I am one of the weird anomalies here in this one, in that I like training. Physical or mental I don’t care, I like them both. Either are an opportunity to learn more or push yourself more and like I said, I generally like that. A younger version of me would have just wanted to push through it and become the best at whatever the objective was. But while the older version of me doesn’t mind being the best at whatever, that is a distant second to the actual training or learning itself. It is great fun working toward a goal and enjoying all the incremental steps to getting there. Yet I find that I am in the overwhelming minority on this one.

I discovered this is the most blatant way when preparing for a bicycle ride across the USA. Yes across the entire USA, 3800 miles total in the convoluted path we took. No we did not go the shortest most direct route. But I get ahead of myself. I trained for months for that trip. I found the toughest steepest grades I could find and I rode them every day - I mean we are gonna be crossing the Rocky Mountains and that ain’t no walk in the park! This training eventually led to me being one of the top riders for the entire trip. I was generally first or second each and every day out of 25-40 riders (the numbers were fluctuating all the time). But the deal is this, I am not a fast rider. It was mostly that the other riders had done no training. Period.

Its not that I am often the best most talented person, but it is instead that I am often the one who put in the training. Embrace the pain, enjoy the learning, go to the head of the class.

Ideas that change us

# Chapter 172

Quotes running through our minds can urge us in the right direction. Two that I have running in my mind this morning is Anne Dillard’s “how we live our days is how we live our lives” and “the man on the mountaintop did not fall there.” Some days I don’t seem to have an original thought in my head and instead I have these loops that are running and they own my thoughts for the morning. The first one is an older quote that Bernie introduced me to years ago, and the longer I think about it the more it’s power grows. We all have a pattern to our days and intentionally or not, this collection of patterned days is essentially the pattern of our lives. Is this pattern, is this collection of days, what I want my life to be like? Do I want more? Less? Different? Decide now because once again “how we live our days is how we live our lives.” You are living them and this is your life. You are making these choices, you are choosing this life.

And that will ultimately determine which mountaintop you end up on. No you did not fall there. No you weren’t dropped there, instead you climbed and strove and lived those days in those ways and thus you have the life you have and the mountaintop upon which you stand. I regret my early choices of how I lived my days, but I did better as I went along. I stopped coasting and went for it all. I left two perfect jobs that had become coasting and I struck out for the unknown. Now I am regularly surprised by my days, and the mountaintop I find myself on. I traded continuity and the well known for the change-the-world factor and the unknown. Its not for the faint of heart.

The unexpected

# Chapter 171

The doctor is calling and the property manager is calling and the pastor is calling. Everyone has days where a flurry of information is moving around, tasks need to get moved or completed, help or assistance is requested, or there are moving pieces to resolve to accomplish something. Few people have standing systems to handle an unexpected flood of requests, expectations and additional calls or action steps. This is because we are already pretty busy, as most of us seem to keep our engines revved near the red line all the time, so there is no margin and no additional capacity to handle the unexpected or the unusual.

But come on, the only thing unexpected or unusual about the unexpected or unusual is that you weren’t expecting it. I mean everyone gets to participate regularly in the unexpected and unusual and therefore they aren’t really unexpected or unusual. They are the bump-in-your-flow normals. And since they are actually normals that feel like the unexpected or unusual, then we should have a system in place to handle the increase in work, expectations and requirements.

I don’t know how most people handle this, work longer hours is what I imagine. I have enough margin built into my daily planning that it takes an International Crisis to rock my boat off its regular path. But then I don’t keep my engine revved up near the red line all the time either. Yep, either build margin or work harder longer, those seem to be the two solutions.

It’s YOUR schedule

# Chapter 170

There are always hard decisions to make in life, and your schedule is one of the most difficult. Unless of course you are taking the easy road out, and letting everyone else drive your schedule. Yes that is the EASY way. Oh it most certainly will be overflowing with more than you, or anyone, could possibly do, with all kinds of events that will be less than exciting for you, because they will not be your priorities, with you running ragged from sunrise until far into the night, this is the easy way. Its not achieved without great effort though because you exert no boundaries or limits nor structures on this type of calendar and everyone is gonna have a free for all and pile it on you freely. This is the easy way out of taking responsibility for your life.

The much more difficult way is to place limits and boundaries and structures around you so that no one can lay stuff on your calendar without your expressed permission and blessing. This is hard because you are 100% responsible for the results of this calendar and this life. What is scheduled here, is critical and important and change the world stuff and there is no way that you are going to let a single bit of it slip away. Oh and by the way, you have margin and self-care, breaks and pauses, reasonable timeframes and schedules with this calendar because you have control of this calendar and I am assuming that you have the discipline and wisdom to make it so, since you got this far.

Loss aversion

# Chapter 169

Loss aversion seems to be one that most every single one of my clients are struggling with, according to what they are writing me. Why do we have such resistance to sell the position? To keep what we have? To not sell and start over from a better position? To not sell a losing proposition and cut your losses? There are pretty much another several paragraphs of scenarios that I could write down here describing loss aversion. But surprisingly this is more a feeling than objective thinking! It is an emotional, not a rational attachment to whatever you are averse to losing or replacing. If you had someone help you work it through, they would likely see all the advantages to making a move.

Since I have about 12-14 of these situations in my life right now, I am pretty certain that you have one or two as well. Heck even my best friend who never writes me back, wrote me back because he is facing loss aversion in the decision about selling their house. And they have needed to sell that house for over 10 years now, because his wife has terrible knee and hip problems and can’t manage those stairs! I don’t think she has even been upstairs for years now. But he can’t pull the trigger. Let me list the reasons: its paid for, they have lived there for over 30 years, they have so many family memories in that house, its close to work, etc etc. And you already did it, thought of how easy it was to overcome each one of those objections, when its not your loss you are avoiding. Get someone to help you work through your loss aversion, and do and listen to what they suggest.

Faux living

# Chapter 168

“ . . . the average amount of time that people spent on any single event before being interrupted or before switching was about three minutes. Actually, three minutes and five seconds, on average.” - The Gallup

As you can see, I am continuing my recent theme of our love affair with interruptions and distractions. The above quote from Gallup news was more data confirming that we are committed only to making no commitments, we are in infinite browsing mode all the time. We are addicted to distractions and interruptions. We set ourselves up for this precise mode of faux living all the time and on purpose. It seems that we don’t want to have the slightest chance that we will be held to any responsibility or production or that there will be any chance of expecting us to do some deep work or changing the world.

This equals the shallowest life choice possible and holds us to nothing. It makes no commitments and bears no responsibility and cannot reasonably have any expectations placed upon such a life. I know some of you reading this think that “these are all external inputs coming from others and elsewhere” and that argument will gain no traction here. You still can control much of those inputs or least contain when and where they can disrupt the flow of work that needs to happen. Heck even your phone gives you the option of “focus mode” which will block out all notifications for however long you command it to do so. Of course nothing can prevent you from picking up your phone and willingly embracing it except you.

Distractions and interruptions

# Chapter 167

We’re addicted to constant distraction and repeated interruption. This has become our normal, even our preferred normal, rather than focused uninterrupted states of being. Does there even exist a place where we can find uninterrupted states of being? I just had to turn the wifi off on my computer as I am writing this because the constant texts were making it impossible to complete a sentence. While you have the luxury of turning your computer to airplane mode you can’t do that with other people in the same room with you who are desperate for dialogue rather than quiet and focus. Whoever develops an airplane mode for people will become an instant millionaire, or billionaire. But I digress into the details all too soon.

We are addicted to constant distraction and repeated interruption, and we design our lives so that this occurs. Here I sit on this snowy cold frozen morning in a nice warm kitchen with hot coffee and Nutella and peanut butter and without focus or quiet and I can’t believe that on such a perfect morning that uninterrupted states of being are still nowhere to be found. So while outside is a Norman Rockwell perfect picture and inside could be another Rockwell painting, the constant texts, dings pings and screams, conversation and dialogue about obscure matters that don’t matter, offers of this that and the other, are so incredibly normal that no one but me notices that deep work is impossible. There is no space remaining to think and dive deeply into an idea or concept because there are the norms of constant distraction and repeated interruption.

Fuel

# Chapter 166

What burns in your furnace? What fuels your achievements? What keeps you going hot when difficulties arise? What are the pieces of your life that give you energy to continue to move forward? Recently I ran out of wood for our fireplace and I went to get some more from the little farmhouse that sells firewood by the road. Without paying too much attention to what I was getting, I quickly loaded up the jeep with the wood because it was so cottonpicking cold outside, I just wanted to do it as quickly as possible and get back in the jeep and get warm.

Well I should have realized it immediately, but this wood will barely burn because it is green and uncured. Its full of sap and burns very slowly if it burns at all, and with far far more constant effort and attention than dry wood. Dry fuel burns much hotter and with far less effort. So the fuel you burns really makes a difference! And the fuel that fires your life really makes a difference! It will determine how hard you work to get to point B from point A. It will determine how eager you are to get up each morning and start working. It will determine how energy efficient you are all day long. It will determine how sustainable your satisfaction will be. It affects pretty much every aspect of your daily experience, so choose your fuel wisely, avoid poor fuel, burn hot and clean.

infinite browsing versus commitment

# Chapter 165

Infinite browsing mode. This is where the world is stuck, in infinite browsing mode. We are in infinite browsing mode for relationships, we want the low cost high value variety where we get, but give little. And this is made so much easier by FaceBook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Snapchat. These were built on infinite browsing. Relationships are a commodity rather than a pillar of our lives. We leverage and network them rather than invest and enjoy them. We are constantly looking to find more “friends” and “connections” so that we can be more something or other. The infinite browsing mode prevents us from the magic force of commitment.

We do this also in our work and in our leisure. We don’t want to make any commitments and we want to infinitely browse, the internet, the library, the classifieds, the dating apps, the Bible, churches, clubs, groups and social media. But commitments are the opposite of infinite browsing. Commitment is making a choice and sticking with it and making it work. Commitment is being all in and not browsing anything. Instead it is about working hard at what you decided to accomplish rather than never making a choice = infinite browsing. Commitment is what makes for deep satisfaction and contentment, infinite browsing makes for infinite dissatisfaction and discontent. Infinite browsing will take all your time and give you no results. Commitment will take all your time DOING and give you great results. But contrary to popular thinking, commitment doesn’t take more time than infinite browsing, it only takes the same time and makes far better use of it. Commit to something for pity’s sake.

Focus = repetition

# Chapter 164

What exactly is focus? Napoleon Hill considered it to be repetition. He said that most anything could be accomplished with enough repetition of thought. In more recent times, the word focus has become primarily connected with photography and the degree of sharpness with which an object can be seen. More generically we use the word to describe the depth and time our attention can be mentally fixed on an idea, concept or project.

Focus from a leadership point of view is about how much weight, concentration, and attention we lavish on a single point of interest. Weight refers to the significance we place on this focus or point of interest. Concentration refers to the intensity of this focus, and attention is of course the awareness that we gift this point of interest. Combined altogether is what I mean when I use the word focus here in my third year of writing these daily posts. It requires all three to write well and thoughtfully within the timeframe I have allotted for this exercise, and this process has gradually allowed me to progress from writing daily diary thoughts about my days, to using someone else’s idea as the jump-off kernel, to slowly working my way through my own thoughts. Eventually this focus may produce something of value for more people than just me.

Clarity and conciseness are often the best results of focus. This does not happen without some measure of quiet and thought and that is why my Pennsylvania chapters are always so consistently better than my Georgia chapters - quiet and thought are possible here. Focus.

Raise the bar

# Chapter 163

If we wish to change the world, then we had better get moving. No chance of changing anything much less the world, if we aren’t moving and growing and changing. Because it is pretty clear that if you aren’t moving, growing, and learning, then you are mostly dead and can’t change your clothes. Changing the world is likely not on your schedule for the day. But we have a country full of such people - we are a society that thinks only children go to school each day and that adults do something other than learn. According to Pew research 24% of Americans haven’t read a book in the last year. That is a quarter of the people you know and see and share patriotism with are mostly dead and can barely change their clothes. Changing the world is not on their calendars this morning.

But before we get all judgy and self-righteous because you read a book this past year, a steamy romance or a historical bio of someone, you have to get moving and raise that bar a great deal, before you will be ready for the heavy lifting to come. You are the primary asset and you have to invest here first, before you will have some significant value on the rest of the world. You can’t starve the primary asset of development, and then expect it to hit a homer the first time up to bat. That is not a reasonable expectation. First you have to get moving - mentally spiritually, physically and emotionally before you can accomplish what you say you really want to help with and change in the world.

Living well

# Chapter 162

Gratefulness is a crucial part of living well. The problem is that gratefulness is not natural to Western Culture, I can’t speak for other cultures. You have to cultivate gratefulness, practice it like an olympic sport and roll it around like play dough in your hands. Gratefulness is visceral and intellectual at the same time. It does not come from an abundance, but rather from a lack of lack. And that requires some perspective. The more you have traveled outside of your zip code, the easier perspective is to have and utilize. If you travel enough you come to realize that you are entitled to nothing and that you need very little. Gratefulness can be a short trip from this point.

Or not. I know many ex pats who have seen and smelled poverty in ways the average American cannot imagine and yet they remain impervious and arrogant and privileged in really unhelpful and unhealthy ways that prevent them from experiencing or practicing gratefulness. They can’t enjoy a perfect cup of coffee, a clean bed, a meal in the ways that they should and need to be treasured. The small joys in life are completely thrown under the bus of overwhelm by the new houses and shiny cars and other toys that the empty gather to find solace and affirmation rather than simply experience and practice gratefulness.

And the grateful renew their gratefulness regularly, because they understand that it is a thinking and perspective exercise, not some number or object measurement tool. Appreciation for coffee at the perfect temperature is almost spiritual if you haven’t been distracted by BSO’s (bright shiny objects).

Jackholes

# Chapter 161

I wonder how often we show our ignorance? As I said yesterday, I have a blood clot which in and of itself is difficult, but the real danger is that some or all of it will break off and block the function of the heart or lungs, known as a pulmonary embolism. An estimated 300,000 people a year die from a pulmonary embolism. So some jackhole this morning writes me and tells me that I am lucky to not have had a stroke. While I essentially agree with him that any day I don’t have a stroke is a lucky day, there are no corollaries between my blood clot and strokes. My point here is not to give a medical lesson because I am not qualified to do so, bur rather show how often we reveal our ignorance and appear foolish to those in the middle of whatever foolishness we are showing our ignorance about. To someone like me even, who has been reading all I can find about blood clots for the last few days yet am utterly a novice, wishing me well by referring to strokes when I am dealing with blood clots and potential pulmonary embolisms, is not helpful.

We will not impress anyone with such ignorance. It is far better to listen/read the information carefully and ask good questions.

Pay attention!

# Chapter 160

Urgent adventures

This chapter is being written from room 257, in the ER at our local hospital. Evidently I have a blood clot in my leg and then are going to try and find it? I have no idea why, because they aren’t going to take it out or anything. Perhaps just to verify that I actually have it, even though the bloodwork was very definitive or I wouldn’t be here in the first place? Perhaps by the time I reach the end of typing this chapter the answers will become more clear but I honestly have no idea. All I know at the moment is that I am lying in this hospital bed waiting for the doctor to have a gander at the ultrasounds they just took of my femoral arteries.

There is of course a great leadership lesson here and that is pay attention to what is happening! The great leader pays attention to what is happening. They do not ignore what is happening because it is inconvenient or because it doesn’t hurt all that much or because stuff just happens. No the great leaders pay attention to what is happening and they take appropriate action. I did eventually, but waiting a full week is more like inappropriate appropriate action.

Responsiveness is called for, and if you don’t do so in a timely manner then all sorts of worse stuff begins to happen. You need to pay attention and discern when something had a direct cause and effect and when something is happening that should not be happening. Those are two very different events, and the great leader sees the difference and responds quickly and concisely.

Hard work and difficult to do

# Chapter 159

Lots of advice is cycle sensitive. For instance, I am big on thinking. We do far far too little of it, and that which we do is poorly formed. Most of our challenges in life deserve a great deal more thought and surprisingly this is really hard work, so it doesn’t get done. And it seems vague and insubstantial, so it doesn’t get done. And it seems ill-defined and formless so it doesn’t get done. And taking some form of physical action feels like far superior movement forward over thinking and so it doesn’t get done.

Yet I am big on action. Many many times in these writings I have urged you to just get started. Heck even Seth Godin urges you every week to do the same. Getting started and taking some positive action seems to be every bit as difficult as thinking for most of us. We appear to be paralyzed and unable to do anything. What one thing can you DO that will move you toward your goals and get you moving? Moving is gold, because that is essentially momentum, and momentum is your friend!

Now the moment of truth, these are both critical and the demand for them - thinking and action - cycles back and forth. Actually let me rephrase that, they are both needed all the time. Which one is more needed in a given situation is the one that will give the most value at the moment. Both of them are hard work and difficult to do well, so you have plenty to practice right now. Most everyone has challenges taking action and getting started and for some deep thinking.

Groundwork

# Chapter 158

We are mostly way too results oriented and not nearly enough focused on laying the groundwork for success. You have to focus each day on the mundane work of plowing the fields, fertilizing the soil, and turning it over several times, if you have any legitimate hope of realizing a crop of corn or soybeans in the near future. This is the daily work that requires you and I to be relentless and unbeatable. This ground work, no pun intended, is crucial to any reasonable success. Its the work few want to do, and that many avoid, and that can be the most difficult to start, yet is the most critical to a rhythm of success and produce.

Perhaps you are like me, in that I sit around thinking about doing this difficult work rather than actually doing any of it. I sit around thinking about the salary that I would draw were I to actually succeed at producing this result, but yet I rarely take any of the necessary steps to prepare the field. I spend all my time thinking about the results, without taking the actions necessary to get me moving in that direction! I am far too often the farmer standing in the corn crib thinking about the harvest, yet not planting any seeds. Its the person who plants and prepares who receives the harvest. Sorry. No one else does. And that means you and me.

Instead of focusing on any, and I mean any, potential results, focus on how much preparation you are willing to do and action you are willing to take to move the needle toward success. This and nothing else, is what you should be counting, measuring, focused upon. Results are a foregone conclusion when you focus on the right things.

Dreams

# Chapter 157

Its scary to have the courage to chase your dreams. They are big and beyond us and so far outside of the realm of our daily experience that they seem simply impossible and unreachable. And that is how it feels for pretty much everyone. You aren’t special on this one and neither am I. Working toward our dreams is frightening and formidable. Not only we are scared about chasing our dreams, but also scared about reaching them and the additional responsibility that comes from success. It takes a great deal of courage to do this and to continue this.

Dreams are funny and dangerous. They are funny in the sense that they are only potentials and we don’t really know what kind of experience that we will have with these dreams if they occur. Dreams and prophecies have some similarities, we don’t know what they will really be like. I am currently pursuing a dream of having passive income, to lower our financial vulnerabilities, and much of that dream has not played out as I thought it would, and there are far more headaches than dreams are supposed to have, right? Yes dreams have headaches and problems and they become real life once you realize them at any level.

So have the courage to pursue your dreams and have the understanding that once you start to get to some of those dreams, that they then become real life and they have the same problems that your real life has right now, and maybe bigger problems (but mostly just different problems) since you are reaching for more = dreams. Buckle up and lets go.