# Chapter 336

It hurts when you blow out your knee. I had never done it before yesterday and I can already tell you that I don’t want to do it ever again. This of course is assuming that I will ever be able to walk again. Right now that it is serious question. We are highly unprepared for this. We made a crutch out of a two by four, its actually not half bad just on the heavy side. But I am here to tell you that you have no idea at all how constantly you use your knees, until you can’t. Every movement hurts. Every moment hurts. There is no comfortable spot or space or position. And already the other leg is hurting from standing on it alone. This is all going the wrong way! And stairs stairs stairs!! All we have are stairs!

And yet I am grateful. Especially for Brenda and her ability and willingness to help. She is amazing and unfailing in her willingness to keep me off my feet. I am grateful that my work is not physical but mental and I can work all day knees or no. Most of my friends here have jobs that require physical work and mobility and they would be without a job were they the ones with the blown out knee. I am grateful that we have a house with a bathroom on two levels!! I am grateful that I didn’t break my leg! I am grateful that I am in America and that I probably can get real actual care for whatever broke in my knee yesterday, if I can find the right kind of doctor.