The better version of me

Chapter 59

The life on the road is wonderful terrible. Wonderful because I get a chance to have some quiet and catch up on some tasks and projects that need to be done. Terrible because I am sharing this space with 100’s of other people, one of which pulled the fire alarm this morning which created quite a stir. They crowd the breakfast space, they crowd the elevators and the fitness center. You get the picture.

But my systems save me from the traveling chaos, and these habits keep me on track. That is why I am sitting here writing this chapter out, because of habits. For instance, I am wanting to make not drinking one of my most stable habits if for no other reason than alcohol will never make me a better version of myself, or improve on what I am right now. The people in my life deserve and need the best version of me, and that can never be the alcohol-fueled version of me.

Instead, drinking alcohol is the tacit approval to NOT be responsible and caring and thoughtful and adult. It is the decision to “let our hair down” and not do what we know should be done. It is the decision to not make any more decisions, at least the one’s that the non-drinking version of me would likely make. This is why I can never think of alcohol as the reward, ever again. Thursday night out with boys, is a horrible manner in which to express “I am finished” with whatever. There has to be a healthier and more positive manner in which to say “enough” and “full stop.” If drinking is the reward, then it is a thorny painful regret-filled reward.