Cobwebs in my soul

# Chapter 116

People are trying to understand themselves, find themselves, get in touch with themselves and feel. I get it, but I am not sure it is healthy. Oh we need to feel our feelings and emotions and that whole spectrum, its what makes us human after all. But I am not at all sure that letting that side of us drive our decisions and our directions in life, is healthy or optimal. Nor are “healthy and optimal” friends or close associates either - they can be bitter enemies. What is optimal for your life maybe be far from the healthy thing in your life, and vice versa.

Instead of being driven and channeled up and down certain paths by my volatile and mysterious emotions, or by my situations, or by my circumstances, lets create our path, lets make our direction intentional, lets do what is needed to get us moving in the desired direction. Yes that is a create, make, do action point. In other words, decide and take action or someone else will. No matter what you are, where you are, where you have been, what will become of you, there are points along the way where you have power and influence on the direction things are moving. You may not have as much power and influence as you want, but maybe you do, either way, exert what you have when you have it and stop this inner inspection of the cobwebs of your soul all the time. Some of the time is fine, but all or the majority of the time is paralyzing. Instead, create, make and do your way into the life you want to live. Let’s change the world!

Get it done!

# Chapter 115

You just need to make it happen as Micheal Jordan would say. Things need to get done, events need to happen, you are the one who will make it happen or it will not happen. This is just all too accurate and real life for most of us. And you are not the only one, not by far. My wife can put us both to shame with her make it happen ability. She can get it done better than most. I find that I can do this more and more as I get older and older. I don’t know what it is about age that makes this easier, but I can tell you that I had very little “get it done” or “make it happen” when I was younger. For some reason I was more focused on shortcuts than getting it done or making it happen. Rather than letting the work itself shape me and move me and form its own gifts, I was always looking for a shortcut. To what purpose I cannot tell you, other than I was probably wanting to get back to the book that I was reading at the moment. Never could stomach reading interruptions very well.

But what age has to do with or not, I can get the workout finished, I can get the client letters completed, I can rake the leaves for two hours and finish the job, I can accomplish what I begin rather than starting 10,000 projects and finishing none of them. I can make it happen. You can too. And we both should. I will, what about you?

Habit Weaving

# Chapter 114

Habit weaving. We need habit weaving on several levels. First of all we need to weave the habit and surround it with lots of threads and cables so that it doesn’t break. Its not really a habit if you break it often. 90% of the time is kinda the minimum requirement for a habit don’t you agree? If I can pull this off while gallivanting all over the world, then you can pull this off in the comfort of your own living space. I honestly don’t know how other people make or add habits to their lives, and entire books have been written about this subject, the best of which is likely Atomic Habits, by James Clear. At this age and stage of life, I can pretty much just decide to start a new habit and we are off and running for years. But I am also at the age and stage of life where I don’t need many new habits. I am in pretty deep grooves with the ones I already have.

But we are beginning to stray from the idea of habit weaving. The second and third levels of habit weaving are about combining and grouping activities that complement one another. A second level example would be that the most logical time to practice my stretching and physical therapy habit would be right before or after I begin my cardio habit. Trust me, it only works if you do it before. I always fail to tack it on after. A third level example would be that I am only allowed to listen to my audiobooks while sweating my daily cardio habit. The more engrossing the story the longer I sweat. Its a win win on almost every level. This is habit weaving 101.

Relentless repeats

# Chapter 113

Habits shape who we become. Of course they form the foundation of what we get done in the world, but those relentless repeats of the same actions over long time periods shape more than our production in life, they shape us as people. A light example would be that my wife and I read scripture each morning as we finish breakfast (as did her parents and my parents). That practice, that habit shapes me and her in ways that go beyond just reading something together. It most importantly creates a common bond between us that is likely one of the most critical components of our 35 years together. It creates a tempo for the morning and for the day. It slows us down and makes us think. It sets a posture for learning all day long. It instructs and encourages us.

This is only one habit as an example. There are quite a few other habits that have different payoffs as they require different actions from us day after day. These habits shape us because they form the actions of our days and how we live our days is how we live our lives as Anne Dillard said. My every morning is driven by a series of habits and systems that are the foundation of all that I do in the world, but they also make me: 1. a morning person, 2. A systematic person, 3. A healthy person, 4. A well read person, 5. An unavailable person in the AM, 6. And a super productive person in the afternoons. And there is more, but you get the idea. The habits you choose will shape you and how you see and experience the world. Choose well and stick to them!

Hangry and dissatisfied with the “news”

# Chapter 112

As I am looking at all the amazing reasons I have to be thankful today, it is easy. But then again I am in the West, with family, have enough for the moment, and am relatively healthy, and have general sense of wellbeing that my pastor and wife would attribute to God. I think that God likely had a hand in all the things I listed not just the last one. I also think that the last one has much more to do with the fact that I don’t watch “the news” as much as anything else. Because “the news” has one purpose in the modern world - to keep you hangry and dissatisfied, so that you will keep watching. My well addicted father is over there yelling about what they are “reporting” right at this moment.

I keep putting “the news” and “reporting” in quotes because they are neither. They sensationalize select topics and stories in order to maximize their viewership, not reporting the news at all. A small sample would include the focus on two shooter stories, one where a 17 year old boy shot and killed people, and one where three men shot and killed a person of another race. Not one single word about the 45 men women and children who died in Bulgaria yesterday. Not one single word about the coming collapse of Turkey our strongest and most important ally in the Persian gulf region. I could mention 1000 more high impact stories that did not get a single second of air time.

A recipe for thankfulness starts with limiting (or eliminating!) sensationalizing voices in your life.

The unseen invisible work

# Chapter 111

Some times visible progress comes in like a flood other times unseen at all. There is slow work and fast work is another way of saying it. As I have been working on this antique truck restoration project with my dad throughout this weird COVID-19 time, there have been times when we make no apparent progress at all for days and days. It seems like we sanded and sanded the same one square meter for a month. Where I would think that I had done it well and then my dad would come along and say, “this is not ready yet.” And back to sanding the same one meter square. Those were no visible progress days, completely unseen at all.

Then you have days like we have had this week, where big pieces fall into place and large physical parts are placed on the restoration and kaboom, everything changes - visibly that is. But the reality of each and every day is that we worked just as diligently when there was no visible progress and when there were big changes in what it seemed like we got accomplished. The facts are that all our jobs and tasks are like this, where the unseen invisible work, makes the big visible presentation pieces possible. In other words, if you don’t do your homework, then you can’t expect it have the answers for class tomorrow.

Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is remain rigorous and meticulous while doing the non-visible critical prep work that is actually the underlying foundation of accomplishing your ultimate goal. Sanding old metal is not sexy, but when the paint is laid down on it, it will be painfully obvious to all if it received the necessary and unseen prep work. In fact you can walk around this truck restoration project now and see every single time I failed at sanding. So don’t fail at doing the unseen prep work and lay a great foundation for producing something beautiful.

Doing

# Chapter 110

Like we were saying yesterday practice makes perfect. Doing is what makes us, develops us and instructs us. We need to do. I am usually more relaxed down here at my dad’s place because we are doing doing doing. It’s simple and straightforward job after job of doing. Not that many mentally taxing jobs down here on the farm though there are a few. Mostly just doing and doing, in a sense, practicing and practicing. Some see it as repetition rather than practice because it is usually the same old jobs over and over. But your efficiency improves and your processes get sharper, if you allow them.

The best part of practicing or doing is how concrete and measurable it is compared to thought work or people work or idea work. There is a sense of completing something all the way on the farm that my average days elsewhere don’t. Thinking, ideas and people are not as tidy as farm tasks. They have endless loose ends and segues and rabbit holes. Oh farm work and chores are endless and relentless, but when this job is done today it is done today. There is a special sense of satisfaction that results from that experience.

On the other hand, if you want to move the culture, change the world, shift the influence, impact justice initiatives and stuff like that, then you have to understand the tradeoff is incremental progress, snail-pace improvements, long long timeframes, tiny advancement, and minuscule growth. But this paragraph is about a long game, not working on the farm.

Practice

# Chapter 109

Practice helps - a lot! My current coronavirus project with my dad, is way way outside of my expertise. And so when I found myself with a few extra hours yesterday I grab ahold of a job that was outside of my range of ability, but I was interested and vested and ready for a challenge. The disassembling part is easier unless you are going to reassemble in another truck door the same day - then you go careful careful careful. Yet because we are using the parts from several doors, none of which were intact, and making them into one door, there is no way to know which order the pieces go back into the door. And trust me, this made a huge difference.

This meant in the end, that I repeatedly put it together, and then had to take it apart again because I ran into a part that could not be put in properly unless I took it all out again. This is called practice. And by the end of the afternoon, a job that would have taken less than hour had I known what I was doing, was complete with about four hours of “practice.” Now I am pretty sure that I could write an instruction manual on how to install each piece and in which order, and maybe I should! Regardless, like with all things in life, practice makes perfect.

Reenergize!

# Chapter 108

Extra rest will make you awesome. I recently had a very challenging 48 hour span where I criss-crossed the country with only 2.5 hours sleep in that time span and at my age that is wrong on every count! Pushing that hard for that long is begging for a serious disaster or worse. But that all is for another day’s post, this one is about sleep. The super power ingredient to life. Sleep supercharges all of life and if you aren’t getting enough every single night, you are gonna be a train wreck. You are not functioning at your best if you aren’t sleeping awesome. Not just being horizontal for some time, but great sleep, every single change that I have made toward getting better sleep has paid off handsomely.

You are hurting yourself and will never experience your best self if you don’t revamp your sleeping life. You have lost so many opportunities, you have failed to have so many creative ideas, you have missed so many hours so many days of energy-filled living, you have not yet experienced your best life - these things and so many more if you are not getting awesome sleep. There is no down side to getting better sleep. You are not going to wake up with a hangover, you aren’t going to going to be muddled and confused, you aren’t going to have a headache and be light sensitive. You are going to be filled with energy and ideas and so much more. This is how to re-energize your life!

On an absent day

# Chapter 107

On the road and absent yesterday. Those days are few but unavoidable. 14 hours in an old antique pickup slowly making my way through seven states, a beautiful, fun, but exhausting day. Absent days change the pace and flavor of your life. The goal is to use that in a good way. To sit down the day after, and remember what was different and unique and special about being absent. To learn from it and find energy from it. To find the best of that day of being absent, to gain the best takeaways, especially since you don’t do this very often and miss your routines.

So this particular absent day was in the Fall and there was enough color left in the trees on this endless drive, that it was lovely. There was a cloudless blue sky as a backdrop to the late turning trees and even if they were running toward rust and brown colors instead of reds and yellows, the blue sky set them off and made it quite a show. This absent day was a day of remembering. It was the five year anniversary of my mom’s death. I was thinking about her and missing her and wishing that I could sit down and have a good long talk with her and learn from her wisdom. I missed her laugh and her observant eye about life and nature. And this absent day was a moon setting sun rising sun setting moon rising day since I was on the road so long I got to see all of that and think about both the smallness and importance of my life in light of the celestial bodies in movement. These are the things you can learn and observe on an absent day.

Last days and staying fully present

# Chapter 106

This is always the most difficult day of any trip or consulting or event or speaking gig - the last day. Last days are transition days and you find your mind filled with the things coming rather than the things you have right before you and it is so difficult to pull your attention back to finishing well. But if you don’t then you well may lose all the wins that you have built up for the last week, because the last day is the most important day. Its the day that will leave the most lasting memory, its the day that you complete what you started. It is most unwise to dig into the next thing coming up later today or tomorrow when you get home from flying all the way across the country when you are in your last day on the current gig.

This current event that you are working is far more important than the one that hasn’t gotten here yet. Yet if your internal mechanisms work like mine do, then you are flooded with details, T’s and I’s and moving pieces that are starting to clamor real loud for mental attention because lets face it, they are right upon you. You and I must resist this awful pressure and stay mentally fully present. No one wants to lose ground on the gains already made, but if you slip into the future inside your head, you could easily do so. And don’t forget you agreed to be present all here for even the last day of this current gig. You owe these folks that brought you 2800 miles to do this thing. Give them the full and complete service that they deserve. And when they drop you at the airport today, you can swing 180 degrees into the next one without guilt or blame.

Low on fuel

# Chapter 105

All out of gas. This happens when you don’t fill the tank. I know that this sounds quite obvious, but since it still happens over and over in people, then it still needs to be said. You run out of gas if you don’t refill the tank. No one is a self-perpetually-filling unlimited source of fuel. And that fuel is needed regularly in everyone. Most of the leaders that I am working with at the moment, are running dangerously low on fuel. And after giving and giving and giving for four days I am running low. These local leaders have the systems in place to refilling their tanks, only if they are making margin for that to happen. I on the other hand flew in four days ago and have zero of my systems in place except this one, which is actually a system that consumes, and doesn’t give. My other systems of working out, reading, and music give fuel to my tank. But I can’t bring the gear with me on this relatively short trip across the country and I can’t replace it locally because the agenda and schedule is driven relentlessly by the people who brought me here who appropriately wish to make the most of the money that they spent.

I get it, but I need more fuel if I am to go and give further. Needed to be more insistent on getting that temporary gym pass even though the schedule would not give me enough time there. I need to be more insistent in my protecting the asset - me! I can’t go if I don’t have fuel. Neither can you.

Pressure and inspiration

# Chapter 104

Inspiring is what I have ambition to be, because it is the one most consistent emotion that drives all the others which will help people reach their goals. But inspiring is exhausting, especially when you need to have it most. You need to have it most when you are with people and working with them day after day, week after week and so on. I have lots of inspiration when I am sitting here writing this in my pajamas with a hot mug of coffee waking me up and its dark and still outside and inside the house. Later today when I meet with the CEO of a company and he needs me to be inspiring, that is when it goes all dark and cold and AWOL on you. Pressure, even good healthy pressure is kryptonite for inspiration. Obviously we all have different pressure factors, pressure capacities, pressure points, pressure valves, but learning to inspire people to dream, create and accomplish when they need it most is actually a pressure of its own type.

But because it is so important, and failing is better than not trying, you stand up straight and go do your best. In effect, inspiring yourself to inspire others. Or at the very very least, make a best effort at it. You can have the top of the class material, you can have studied the situational context until you know it better than anyone, you can have mega-loads of experience in the same situation that the CEO finds herself in right now, but if you don’t connect and inspire, it still falls flat and you fail to be all that you could have been in this moment.

Instead look deep within, remember what has inspired you in the past, recall what has moved you from A to B, get the hard core of it into your mind (just the most central pieces of the story because this is not about you and you need to listen far more than talk, but you want to make your talk matter) straighten up your mental posture and ramp up your energy because this is critical, an urgent moment to help someone pivot and succeed. BE your inspiring best today.

The Outsider

# Chapter 103

The outsider can bring good value to you. They have a greater possibility of seeing you and your org objectively. You are likely deep in the weeds on day to day operations and can’t really grasp what you and your current practices are bringing you, what you have on your plate. This is not always true, but I find that it is true in about 85% of the people that I work with and observe. How to help them discover which practices are causing their headaches and which practices are bringing them the gravy is the task where we can bring the most value to them. But how to communicate things just with the right strength so that they consider your words and ideas, without being bulldozed by them is the tricky and delicate part. I am going to try exactly this in the meeting this morning.

Which season they are in is the real situation to discern I think. But I will need to review the material and find the pieces that will be most helpful to them and get them moving in the direction that they wish to go. I believe that they are not able to pay the price of that forward progress with the current restraints that they have to deal with and engage. Those constraints are largely outside of their control. However good their attitude about the potentials around them, they have to see reality clearly and make the right call. The outsider is the one to help them do that. Perhaps you need an outsider to lay eyes on your situation too? In order for you to have clarity about where you are going and what you need to do to get where you want to go, look to the outsider.

The middle seat value

# Chapter 102

Getting ahead. This is the first time in months that I have had a moment to get ahead in my work. This is the first time in months that I have had time to think, or even been forced to think, because I can’t move, I can’t work on the yard, I can’t ride my bike, I can’t go to the store, I can’t “do” anything except sit here and think. Even reaching my toys in my carry-on bag is inconvenient because I am in the middle seat. Thinking is the way to go and the job to finish. So this is the first time in months and months that I have been more than just one day ahead in this effort. Now with enforced seating and thinking, more is forthcoming. Even the baby across the aisle is going to sleep in honor of my getting ahead on some work!

And now here a few days later, I am finding that thinking is the hard work that people need from me and expect from me. This morning we are going to be working on how to fix something that is broken, or not. Meaning that the customer, the client is convinced that his org is broken or at least damaged. I suspect that it is merely going through a normal season with their current practices in place. How to discover that without frustrating the client will be the delicate part. This is where thinking comes into play so significantly. If I don’t have clarity about what might be going on, I certainly will fail at bringing them more clarity as we converse this morning. Think man think!

How is your Starter?

# Chapter 101

Motivation is the switch that turns your starter solenoid on which gets your engine running and then you are moving! You have to get moving or else nothing ever gets done and you accomplish nothing at all. We don’t want to live those kinds of lives now do we? No of course not. So we have motivation or we go looking for it. Looking for motivation? Craziest thing ever I know, but we all have to do it. Some of us regularly and some of us occasionally, but no one has an infinite well of motivation inside bubbling up without restraint. No one. But you need motivation and I need motivation so that we can turn the switch that gets everything moving in our lives.

I get reams of motivation every day by reading thought-leader material, leadership blogs, listening to podcasts from Growability, reading Harvard Business Review, Wharton papers, etc etc. This material still has to be curated, but it is usually very motivating. You have to research or ask around to find the best sources of your motivating or inspiring material or people or events or fountains where you can get what you need to get started every day or multiple times every day.

But once you are started, what keeps you going? The majority consensus on this question is that habits keep you going. It is what Jim Ryun and James Clear and many others have said, habits are what provide you with real sustainable progress on your endeavors. Build off that motivation and make habits! Now you are ready to change the world.

WHICH not IF

# Chapter 100

“For leaders, it’s not IF problems, but WHICH problems.” Karin Hurt and David Dye

Which problem are you going to solve, face, defeat, win over? No one has a problem free life. But if you make a conscious decision about WHICH problems you are intentional about solving, facing, defeating and overcoming, you can have a largely stress free life. Not problem free, but yes, stress free. If you have a problem free life, then you aren’t leading anything, including yourself.

And powerful. Choosing your set of problems, choosing which challenges you are gonna work on every day, is powerful. It is powerful because you get to choose. Which problem, which angle, which result, which outcome, where your blood, sweat and tears will be spent. Its not a problem or challenge or difficulty that someone else gave you and demands that you solve, its the one (or ones) that you are most interested in, that you most wish to resolve.

And freeing. Choosing which problems you are to tangle with every day, sets you free. Free to soar, free to dream, free to think outside the box, free to invent, free to rise to the top of the field, free to master this problem in the world and all its parameters.

And undistracted. Focus is now possible. Intensity is now yours. Intentionality is built in. Leverage is for the taking. You can unleash all your possibilities on this challenge. You can take this problem by storm. You can affect its outcome. You can laser in on all the fine details of this one problem.

Change.

The.

World.

“For leaders, it’s not IF problems, but WHICH problems.” Karin Hurt and David Dye

The unfriendly skies

# Chapter 99

The fastest current method to get from one side of America to the other side of America is to fly on a jet. That involves lots of moving parts and pieces of a crazy puzzle that seems to get more difficult as I get older and older. At least the flight attendants are funnier these days as they work hard to make air travel as good as it can be. But in the post 9/11 world of TSA and multi-layered security across multi-platforms means that you have to constantly jump through a series of hoops that make getting to departure gate so complicated. And now in the COVID-19 year, you have to navigate it all with a mask on so that you don’t share germs with anyone else. This however is not a burden, it is brilliant and should have been in place decades ago.

In my opinion your have to have a high, really high, desire to get somewhere to subject yourself to these processes over and over. The never ending possibilities of cancelations and delays and detours, should be enough to keep us all off these flights. But evidently people’s desires to go somewhere else, overrides the inconveniences and possible problems of getting somewhere with your gear intact. Since I only fly for business, I can’t imagine subjecting myself to this for pleasure! Yet the vast majority on all my flights seem to be doing exactly that and nothing more. I do have to admit that my wife and I enjoy watching the pleasure travelers and all their shenanigans as we wait to join the friendly skies and make our way to Sacramento.

Our wake

# Chapter 98

Another classmate has died. Of course I can barely remember them, and most of those memories are elementary school memories, or maybe junior high memories, but it is hazy at best. I literally have not seen any of these people since high school graduation 41 plus years ago! But what is interesting and to be honest, a little bit disturbing, is the emotional punch that all these deaths have held. Again I haven’t seen these people who have passed away this year in decades, but they intersected my life in the past and left more than I thought they did. And now it is making me wonder what I left in them? And what about the people whose lives I am now intersecting with? What kind of impact am I leaving in my wake?

Honestly it makes you want to go back and retract and recover every harsh word you ever spoke, every time you laughed at someone, made fun of someone, hurt someone, cut someone, or had any humor at someone else’s expense. Sure that was what school days were like back then, but it doesn’t make it any better, and it shows what shallow awful people we were. Thank God your past doesn’t determine your future, yet your present doesn’t negate your past choices and decisions either. You did what you did. I wasn’t mean to these people that passed away this year, but I wasn’t wonderful to them either and I wish the past me had been just that. Now Mary Grace is suddenly gone forever and I can’t be that wonderful generous person to her that I wish I had been. But I am determined to do better going forward with everyone I connect with at any level.

Spending our lives

# Chapter 97

How are you spending your life? If you made a chart of all your 24 hour days, and listed out how much time you spent on each activity what would you discover you think? I am pretty sure that the first three or four would be no surprise to anyone, and that the last three or four would be a bit shocking. Of course for most people sleep and work are going to be the first two. For some its sleep as the number one and for some work will be the number one. After those two, all bets are off, because we are terrible at guessing how we spend our time. My dad consistently insists that he rarely talks on the phone and that he watches very little TV. The objective facts tell quite a different story though, he watches hours of TV and talks on the phone for hours a day. This I know because of the weeks and weeks I spend with him, and when I am not with him the hours and hours that I talk to him on the phone. What he really thinks is that he watches far less TV and talks on the phone far less than he imagines other people to do.

The only way for you to actually map this out is write it down. I know I know that sounds really boring but you you only have this one life and how you spend it is how it is spent. And then it is over. Don’t you want to know how you are actually spending life? Don’t you want to understand how it is being lived? Don’t you want to see objectively how you are living it out? Then get your spreadsheet to work.